Community and What is Common To All.....Only If You are Ready……

 Community and What is Common To All.... 

Only If You are Ready……

When we were searching for a retirement home, River Landing was our top pick because our kids and grandkids are just around the corner. Since the grandkids are more mobile, we wanted a place that would be great for them when they visit. We absolutely love North Carolina, but seeing family back in Kentucky always makes us appreciate the state, along with the family and friends we’ve grown to love. RL has some fantastic amenities that we wish we had sooner. When snow and ice arrive, there’s a team of men who clear everything. Maintenance is quick and efficient, and all we need to do is make a call. All the independent living activities are conveniently located, but still separate from the rest of the CCRC. It’s wonderful to be surrounded by so much wisdom from people our age and to be treated with respect simply because we’re seniors. It’s a place we’re so happy to be in, and considering my recent health issues, it’s the perfect spot for Bec and me. But I have to be honest, you need to weigh the benefits of what you have now before considering moving into an excellent CCRC like RL. You also need to be prepared to give up some things to get those benefits. In other words, you need to be ready to make a choice. There’s a waiting list for apartments like ours that can be up to eight years long. Houses and hybrids are even longer, about 10 or 15 years after you go on the Resident of the Future list. So, we had to wait five years to get the apartment we applied for, which meant we had to carefully consider whether we’d be ready to move in. Some people don’t see that as a problem, and some even wish they’d moved in sooner. Others waited too long and weren’t qualified to enter because of physical problems they developed while figuring out if they were ready to move. But I’ve found that you have to be ready to accept some things that might change your perspective and add to the emotional ups and downs of adjusting to a new place.

I wanted to share a few things I’ve experienced. Here’s a quick rundown with an example for each:

• Feeling disconnected from reality.

When I moved into the River Landing Community, I quickly learned that getting used to it was essential. It’s a tight-knit community where neighbors live right next door. While it’s very quiet, it still feels like we’re all in the same space. Plus, there’s not much variety outside of the community, which makes things a bit predictable. We’re treated equally and enjoy the same benefits, but there’s not much international influence. The community values are shared by most, and we avoid discussing politics and approach religion and faith with respect. Conflicts are rare, and when they do arise, the administration handles them discreetly and confidently. It’s a bit of a snooze fest because we don’t have annoying neighbors or food issues to worry about, though some do. And it feels like everything is taken care of for us. For instance, we wanted to switch to lower-wattage bulbs in our bathrooms, and I just made a call, and they were all changed that day, without any cost to us. I don’t have any complaints.

• Missing what I had before we moved in.

I really miss the farm—its beauty, the peaceful farm life, and just the two of us sharing it together. I also miss our kitchen and large dining table, my own large study, and having room for all of our family to stay together. Plus, I miss having two cars and a truck, a tractor, and so much more!

• Regretting how wonderful I had it in the past when, upon reflection, it wasn’t as great as I thought. 

Not too long ago, I was feeling a bit blue about not being on the farm, our absolute favorite place. I missed all its beauty—the sheep and cattle, Bess our dog, and just how peaceful and close to nature it felt. Becky happened to hear me and suggested I head over to our fourth-floor window. So, I did, and what I saw was a group of guys clearing our parking lot, sidewalks, and the space between our cars of the snow and ice that had fallen. I quickly told her it was a smart move to be at RL. Why? Because, if we were still on the farm, I would have had to go out and break ice in the water troughs, clean our long drive to the farmhouse by myself, deliver feed to the cattle and sheep, thaw out the water lines, and so on. It was a lot of work when I was younger, but after a heart attack and some serious back surgery, I realized we made the right choice. (But, I quickly add, I wouldn’t trade being the farmhand (grunt man) for anything. It was one of the best experiences Becky and I ever had, and it’s our favorite place to live, and it always will be.)

• Always thinking I’m younger than I actually am, if not in years, then in how I feel. 

But here’s where we all have something in common: we’re mostly 70 and older in age, whether we’ve got white hair or not. Since we’re not very diverse in age, we tend to be quite similar. Outside this group, seeing people of different ages, skin tones, and hair colors can make me feel younger than I am. Inside, we’re all just waiting for that day. It can be a bit of a downer if we don’t have those outside diversions. Thankfully, our son and his wife live just a mile away, and Ginny and her husband are only 30 miles away. When their adult children come to visit, it’s such a blessing for us, and I have to admit, it also adds that youthful distraction that we all crave in our RL bubble. We’re all going to pass away, no matter where we live, inside our bubble or outside in the larger bubble of a younger world. But being all together in our little bubble community can make it more difficult to cope because we see life slipping away so quickly.

• Being closer to death than to birth.

Before we left for Danville on Monday, we attended a memorial service to honor all those who passed away at RL in 2025. It was a large gathering of residents who had died in a single year. At the memorial service, each person’s name is displayed on the monitors, so we see death quite often here, unlike when we’re outside the retirement community, where we don’t always know unless we read the obituaries. We all die, but living here makes it more noticeable and reminds us of the deaths. There were over 50. It was done so beautifully, with respect for different beliefs, and the music was absolutely beautiful. But as we looked at the photos of those who died on the big screen, I turned to Bec and said, “Honey, one day I’m going to be up there, but I won’t be able to wave at you.” We both smiled, but it’s so true. This is our last home before Heaven. We just wonder, “When the next shoe is going to drop” for one of us… and with little doubt, it will be me, but we’re reminded of death almost every day. That’s why some of the independent living residents refused to visit the nursing or memory care part of our CCRC. It reminds them of their (our) mortality, and for selfish reasons, they avoid those who would really appreciate and truly need their visit.

• Missing the intimacy of coming home and being away from people. 

In our five dining spots, we usually have plenty of company, so Bec and I get to choose what we’re in the mood for and where we’d like to eat. It’s almost always just the two of us for breakfast, and hopefully one more person for lunch or supper at home. Bec’s cooking is amazing, and she’s very mindful of our diet, so she’s quite picky. But when we decide to go out to dinner at a RL restaurant, we like to go during a quieter time and enjoy being waited on. Anyone who knows us knows that Bec and I met in 5th grade, started dating in 7th grade (with lots of chaperones), dated through high school and university, and got married two weeks after graduation. Intimacy is a big part of who we are as a couple, and we don’t want to lose that, which can be easy to do if we’re not careful. So eating together at breakfast and at other meals is a blessing for us.

To be clear, this has been an adjustment. But every move I’ve made as a pastor has made me realize that adjustments are a part of life, especially when you’re dealing with different living situations, age-related mental and/or physical issues, and personalities. We love RL, and if we could move away and get a full refund, we would not. But I still need to adjust, and it’s taking me a bit longer than I expected. By staying, we’re doing ourselves a favor, giving our children a gift, and allowing us to appreciate what it means to be a senior without getting too caught up in the idea of living outside the bubble.

The Ecclesiastes passage speaks to this:

Ecclesiastes 3:1-3 (HCSB):There is an occasion for everything,

and a time for every activity under heaven: 

a time to give birth and a time to die;

a time to plant and a time to uproot; 

a time to kill and a time to heal;

a time to tear down and a time to build…..

In closing, it’s truly inspiring to hear retired Senator Ben Sasse from Nebraska share how his faith and life are intertwined. He’s facing pancreatic cancer at a young age, with three children—two daughters in their early twenties and a son who’s 14 and still living at home. His situation is complicated by tumors throughout his spine. Despite his illness, he remains faithful, accepts the situation, and is preparing for Heaven, God’s Kingdom, soon. However, he finds hope in Jesus, believing he will see Him through his dying, and awaits his glorification at death, which he will experience as both joyful and exciting. He’s also taught me that this life is just a bridge to Heaven, no matter where we are on our journey, and as Christians, we know our destination, though we might have several stops before Heaven, along the way. (See: YouTube: Sola; Ben Sasse on Life, Cancer, and the Gospel.  Q: The best witness to life and suffering and faith I have ever seen.)

Quentin Scholtz

Sharecropper’s Inheritance

Lent, 2026