Never Too Old To Learn Even About Yourself

The first few words of Ecclesiastes 3, I have found encouraging as I face life. Some of Solomon's words struck me as being despondent but these are key to understanding God’s providence over all and over our lives as well.  They read: “There’s an opportune time to do things, a right time for everything on the earth….”(MSG).

As I sit here waiting to attend the 4th of July parade, program, and the barbecue lunch afterward, I wanted to drop a line or two (well, maybe a few more) about a variation of things that I’ve learned since moving into this independent living adventure this past April. When I retired, I thought I knew most everything I needed to know and persuaded myself that was enough.  But living, in and of itself, is going to teach me, even if I’m not asking to be taught. So here goes.

• I remember Tweetie, who entered an independent living facility, and as she walked in, she said: “Look at all these old people!” The fact is that on her moving day, she became the oldest resident in the facility.  Well, upon moving in, I thought that in the mid-70s, we were the youngest ones here. We were not.  
• Looking into the mirror each day reminds me that while I think of people much older, I am older too.  I see my share of white hair or no hair around this place, but then I see my hair as white as theirs.  As my namesake, Quentin, tells me, ‘at least you got hair. My dad has no hair at 50 years of age’ and then Quentin takes his hand and rubs my head of hair with hopes I will keep it, which bodes well for him. But I’m still older than I want to acknowledge.
• This independent living provides so many opportunities, but it is up to me to pick and choose or simply stay in a recliner and do nothing.  Well, Bec and I are involved in several activities and intend to add more. But independent living gives folks a chance to be lazy or to work, all the while meeting our needs.
• We thought we might not see many kids, youth, or young adults, but we do.  They don’t live here, but they visit their parents or grandparents a lot.  We are proud almost every week to have Adam and crew or Ginny and crew come to see us.  And then to show them off, we take them to eat with us in one of our 6 dining venues. Sounds like a lack of humility, but we are so blessed.    
• I’d be remiss to say that we miss so much of what we had.  Our farm, our friends and family, our churches.  I miss, terribly, being a pastor, yet I remember that being an itinerant preacher, Bec and I had to move many times to other locations, and missing the friends we made in previous locations. The difference is, this move is more than likely our last move and we are living in the home we will have until we go to meet the Lord in His Kingdom. So we have to learn as we did many times before, not to look back and become a ‘pillar of salt’. This is our home, now.
• Mindset has to change.  For the first few months, my mind was set on the past. Though I knew this was the correct decision to make, I thought this was going to be ‘the end.’ Well, I’m coming around. I remember a preacher elaborating on the ‘dash’ found between birth and death dates found on cemetery markers (tombstones). I’m still living in the ‘dash’. And God made that clear to me when I had my near-death experience.  So, my mind has changed from living as though I was dying or dead to a mindset of living in the reality of who I am now.  Do I want to start over or want it to be over?  Neither.  I want to live even if it is with many folks who are older and grayer than I am.  
• Reality sat in after Bec and I started several weeks of regular exercise classes.  And one is called “Rise and Shine” and the other is “Chair Yoga.” After going on a weekly basis, I have renamed them: “Groan and Moan” and “Stretch and Wretch.” To be frank, I thought I was in shape enough to do anything these ‘old people’ can do but left after the first class, knowing I could not hold a candle to what many of them do.  In fact, I was not going to attend the “chair yoga” class, because it was too feminine, too foo-fooey. At the coercion of Becky, I went, and could hardly drag myself afterwards, back to our home.  I was a mess. And even at this writing, I am challenged to do all that is asked, but find myself stronger and in better health now than at any time prior to moving here.
• That is another thing.  The unstated goal of RL is to help you live longer, healthier, and mentally and emotionally sound. They do that by providing trained exercise leaders, weight room trainers, off-campus activities as well as a host of on-campus activities, intellectually stimulating courses, and healthy food.  But today, we are celebrating the 4th at a campus-wide picnic with hot dogs ( I think: Hebrew), hamburgers, and everything that goes against my healthy diet, but that is my choice to eat it all, part or none of it. Maybe just this one time.
• Many of the residents move here from out of town, and when they arrive, the only thing they come to know is RL.  Bec and I had an advantage of living close to Adam in a townhouse for five years before moving to RL. So we found a church home, made friends with folks who are not a part of RL, and became acquainted with the area. So our acclimation to RL is broader-based.  Yet, RL does so much to broaden the minds of the residents.  The extensive programs, in-house as well as out in a broader community, are excellent. We’re all encouraged to join the chorus, our band, play golf, go indoor swimming, have fun get-togethers, watch movies, and exercise to get stronger, more flexible, and more balanced. It’s all there for us to enjoy!  Bec and I appreciate that, but we also appreciate our broader context outside of RL.  We love coffeeshops, ice cream shops, movie theaters, hikes, trips, and travel. RL encourages it, but for those that don’t want to leave this gated community, it is there for them as well but on a limited basis.
• When mentioning our living at RL, especially outside this geographical region, many think we have gone to a nursing home. But that is not the case. Here, we are not nursed to die but are encouraged to live.  We are as healthy as we have ever been, minus the natural limitations of getting older.  We are doing more now than we did even before leaving our home in Kentucky. We have support in what we want to do by both residents and staff.  RL is a gated community that is only closed when we choose for it to be.  The nursing homes that I have visited throughout my career as a pastor have none of what we have at RL. 
• Cost.  We simply told Ginny and Adam that we are spending their inheritance.  They were pleased that we planned to do so. It took a great deal of burden off of them, though that was not their request.  It was our decision. It is a place that we believed, and rightly so, that we would end up living.  It provides services that someone might have to give us as we get older, but do not need now.  Again, that was our choice. It also alleviates the possibility of direct care by them.  RL will provide that.  It is a CCLC, so if we ever need assisted living, rehabilitation stay, nursing care, and even memory care, it is there for us. We are getting to know the nurses and medical technologists, and they are here, the place we call home now.  We will have also developed relationships with people who know us, will pray for us, visit us, and, in their own way, care for us. 
• Let me add a note mentioned in another blog. I have a peace of mind knowing that Bec loves it here, appreciates the benefits of living here for our spiritual, physical, and emotional well-being.  I know that when I transfer my membership from the earthly Church to the Heavenly Kingdom of God, Bec will be well taken care of, and she will be close to our son and daughter and their family.  This  goes for me as well, but knowing my health is rather precarious, and that in my family lineage, I have lived much longer than they have, my concern for Bec’s future has been alleviated tremendously. Her dad’s mother, Bec’s grandmother, lived to be 102. It’s in Bec’s genes, DNA, and clean living and to be sure, her faith in God. 
• I have struggled with finding purpose where, like in any gated community, especially one like this, many things are done for us. That has never been the case in my life, having to feel like I had to "lift myself up by my bootstraps."  Its been a quandary that I have faced since moving to NC and especially here at RL. So finding purpose has been difficult for me. For example, RL has chaplains, worship services, Bible studies, and RL will take residents to attend churches they belong.  But what God has shown me, so far, is that even folks our age and older, need to have those willing to listen and encourage them, pray for them in person, and He has pointed many of them to me. Why? The realities of life become more clear as we get closer to earthly life's end and many folks have avoided those realities until now. That may be part, if not all, of God's purpose for me here and it comes through developing and deepening relationships which Becky and I love to do.    

This is not a Shangri-La, a panacea of luxury living.  In fact, it could be a curse on one’s life if they did not leave the confines of this community to reachout and be part of a greater community as a local Church for as long as they can. And there are limitations here.  The pool is not deep, the golf course is only 9 holes, the chorus does not sound like a fine tuned choir of church, and the instruments that the band uses are home-made.  Though you can come and go anytime, day or night, those who come in to see you, are permitted only by your notification that they are coming. No drop-ins.  And residents are under their (RL) rules (as loose as they are), not one’s own rules. Yet the security of living here, of living well, is found even in what some might think are limitations.

Thanks for being my sounding board today.  I look forward to writing about this several years down the road, and to see what has changed, in RL and in me.  

Quentin

Sharecropper’s Inheritance, 5 VII 25

Pentecost